Cover illustration for "Strong Poison" in pulp fiction style with vampish Harriet.
I forced myself to apply the bum to the seat this weekend*, and knocked off 1300 words of fanfic. I tend to think about fic a lot before I write it, which means that I end up with lots of alternative versions of scenes and things in my head that are not necessarily required for the story, but when they’re in my head/notes seem to weigh down the process of getting something on paper. How am I going to incorporate it all? Where does that bit fit? How do I include everything? Which version? Decisions will have to be made, I’ll have to commit to that one story, and even more I need not to include everything because no-one actually cares about quite a lot of it because it is entirely irrelevant to what the story is about**. Hence my notes not only include multiple versions of what the Wittenberg university porters are wearing, but are dotted with little things like “Reported speech!” and “conversation OR robes shop NOT both!!”

And then I sit down to write, and well, it’s easier. The story works itself out, often with something I haven’t thought of, and those three scenes that I worried were going to bog down the narrative however much fun they were to come up with are got rid of in half a sentence, “and then she left for New Zealand”.

Moral: stop worrying, sit down, and write. Though at some point you should probably check if that's a word.

*Except for when I was forcing my feet to the gym treadmill.

**What the story is actually about is of course open to question. As long as it doesn’t end up as “and so Lord Peter Wimsey realised how lucky he was and how he benefitted from an unequal society and decided that henceforth he would give his money to the poor and campaign for political and social reform in the UK, because he had learnt his lesson”.
Cover illustration for "Strong Poison" in pulp fiction style with vampish Harriet.
executrix* has posted Wimseyfic. Long Wimseyfic, 16,000 words of it! It's an AU Gaudy Night, or as she puts it, "“The Zeppo” meets “Gaudy Night”: Slash Edition". Go and read.

*Can't get tag to work in DW.
Cover illustration for "Strong Poison" in pulp fiction style with vampish Harriet.
Oh hurray! Also, I don't seem to have bacterial sinusitis. More hurray! Still going to ask for a consultant referral, though. I can even justify it on economic grounds if I cost working days lost. But mostly, I would like to just be miserable with a cold because I've got a cold, and troughing the necessary amounts of OTC drugs really cannot be good for one.

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They didn't even pay me for that.

But mostly, it is the weekend!

I am going to:

- see The Artist tomorrow afternoon. It is striking how many people who have seen it have said that they scarcely noticed it was a 'silent' film.
- tackle my ironing to the accompaniment of skiing on TV.
- watch Borgen, the office's new obsession (who knew there were so many fans of Danish crime drama? Or that the head of one of our faculties is so obviously aware of the wilder shores of fanfic.)
- get up late one day.
- go to the gym/for a run. Only 9 weeks until holiday, so some intensive training is now required.
- get back into the fic-writing too. I reckon I can get Peter Wimsey in bed with a very attractive witch within two thousand words. Unfortunately first I have to get him through a slightly boring conversation with a portrait.

Sofa!

Jan. 17th, 2012 12:03 pm
Picture of fabric with a peacock feather print.
I have just ordered a sofa to replace my tiny cheap Ikea sofa that is really more of a seat. Alas, it is not online so I can’t link to it, but it is pretty much the opposite of my existing one, a sort of Chesterfield with sprung seat (no cushions) and buttoned back, in a heathery greeny-purple wool tweed. I even checked it would fit through the door. It’s brilliant. Photos will follow in 6 weeks when it turns up.

Does this mean that I am officially a grown-up? And if so, does that mean I have to face up to the “where is life going, what do I need to get my act together over in 2012” review that I’ve been avoiding? But today I do not care, for I have a sofa!
photo of lava
Someone is repeatedly stabbing my right eye with a fruit-knife. This is very inconsiderate of them.

To cheer myself up I shall watch Brian Cox teaching a toddler Hamlet.

photo of lava
Too complicated to paste over from LJ, so I'm linking to my report of the Tate's Exhibition John Martin: Apolcalyse here.

Short version: great stuff, and if you've ever seen Star Wars, any sword and sandals film, or read a book with a misty fantasy or science fiction on the cover, you've seen a work influenced by Martin.



This is the painting I particularly went to see: Pandemonium.
Picture of a wild rabbit with text "I hope your rabbit dies"
Put bulb in lamp. Switch on lamp. Bulb blows.

The previous bulb lasted only a couple of days. Tries cheaper bulb. No result. Tries another bulb, no result.

I shall check the fuse, but given that the shade is splitting at the seams it may be time to accept that £15 from John Lewis is still only £15 and it was +7 years ago and accept fate.

Speaking of lampshades, I was given this for Christmas, now beautifying a corner of the sitting room.

Fic meme

Jan. 10th, 2012 04:07 pm
Cover illustration for "Strong Poison" in pulp fiction style with vampish Harriet.
I have a sore throat and a bad case of grumpiness, so it is time for a meme, courtesy of [personal profile] fallingtowers:

Leave me a character or a pairing in the comments, and I’ll write a three sentence ficlet for them. I'll also add "or a scenario".
Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane
Danish drama Borgen is awesome. Just as I was finally working out some of the political parties (the BBC needs to publish a quick guide to fake Danish political parties) there was a Dead Turk situation!
Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane
The BBC's Danish fascination continues, with new political drama Borgen, tonight. Ah! I thought, is this the spur to me to finally get a digital TV recorder? Well, it probably is, because I'm fed up of not being able to do so. But it is still BLOODY annoying to discover that you can't get the content off the damn things to archive it. No, I'm not watching much of those videos in crates under the bed. Indeed, I probably ought to go and chuck many of them. But a few things, yes, I would like to keep, and it is annoying to think that once we could, but now we can't, no doubt because the manufacturers want us to have to buy additional devices on which to play media we've had to purchase for long-term viewing purposes.
picture of holly in snow
I was going to say that I didn’t engage with much media entertainment over Christmas, but in listing it I discovered that I did. So here follow a few highlights of film, television, a musical, but just the one book.

Cut for 1222, Annie, Sherlock, Meet Me in St Louis, Downton Abbey, and Great Expectations )
picture of holly in snow
Following a request, this is the menu served by Babette at the famous feast in Berlevaag (short story*) and Nørre Vosborg (film), possibly the bleakest place in literature short of Scott's South Pole. We decided that the spirit was what really mattered. I shall spare you the lines from the film uttered at key moments.

***

Turtle soup

Turtle is not available to the UK domestic chef. We therefore cast around for substitutes. Mock turtle soup involves boiling a calf's head. My mother vetoed lobster bisque, which she dislikes (I wish I'd had the chance!). Several people vetoed crab. We therefore compromised on salmon and dill ravioli (purchased). I had a symbolic glass of Amontillado earlier.

Blini Demidoff

Blinis with sour cream and caviar. No, of course it wasn't real sturgeon black caviar!

Caille en Sarcophage

According to people on the internet who know more about French cooking than I, these little boneless quails in pastry baskets are stuffed with foie gras and black truffles, and served with sauce Périgueux. My mother actually has a recipe for sauce Périgueux. We decided, however, that the spirit of the thing required the quails in their baskets, with head, and that the sauce/stuffing was up to the circumstances concerned. We went for boneless quails** stuffed with chestnut, mushroom and bacon stuffing, in a cherry sauce, and I modelled the heads out of shortcrust pastry, observing as I went along how key features like peppercorn eyes make something that looks nothing like a quail's head look exactly like a quail's head. I'd invoke Umberto Eco, but I drove home today.

Chicory and walnut salad

Easy! We also added a second salad, of pomegranate, orange, and walnut.

Cheese and Fruit

Nowadays one can buy tropical fruits in December from Sainsbury's. Though fruit-wise you should probably concentrate on the grapes/dates/fig end of things. Cheese to taste, but do include a blue one.

Savarin

Turns out to be incredibly easy to make, though it helps if your mother doesn't discover that she has lost her debit card as she is in the act of paying for a ring mould at Lakeland. Fortunately it later turned out that she had left it in the machine, which had eaten it, but it rather put paid to our trip to Harrogate. In any case, savarin takes time, as you have to leave the dough to prove twice, but it is easy and looks good filled with unseasonal fruits. In lieu of a rum sauce, which no-one wanted, we had an orange syrup with Malvasia***.

***

So there you go. It took a fair amount of time, but was not otherwise difficult for a family cook who can put Christmas dinner on the table without stressing for the nation of their choice. For one thing, there are relatively few issues of acute timing. We split up the courses between 4 for the sake of not spending all day in the kitchen (it was a surprise for persons 5+6, my sister and brother-in-law who came down that day), and though I wouldn't serve the whole lot up for a dinner party unless I really liked the people involved, none of the individual courses was particularly onerous, at least if, like us, you invoked the spirit and not the vast quantities of truffles. And champagne, which we decided just to have as an apertif. The singing of Danish psalms in their subtitled English versions is optional.

*For anyone who is not familiar with the film: HIRE IT NOW, although not, and I cannot stress this strongly enough for those who live in the USA, in the dubbed version. I have no idea what non-English dubs are like. The film is based on the story by Isak Dinesen first published in the Ladies Home Journal (USA) as Dineksen's response to a bet that she couldn't publish a magazine story on the meaning of art. It was subsequently republished in the collection Anecdotes of Destiny. It is wonderful. It is also responsible for a fondly-remembered moment of classroom triumph on my part, when watching it the week before Christmas in my Danish language class in Odense. As General Löwenhielm gave his speech (in Swedish, we were watching with Danish subtitles) my neighbour turned to me and said, "What is he saying?" My reply: "Mercy and truth are met together. Righteousness and peace are met together. Man, in his weakness and shortsightness, believe he must make a choice here in life". Etc. Cue stunned silence. I had discovered at the start of the film-showing that I had seen it so often I had memorised the subtitles. I admitted this - at the end of the film.

**If you can't get boneless quails locally - central Oxford is light on bakers, but rich in butchers - and I believe that you can bone them yourself. Personally, I'd just leave the bones to the diners.

***Present for parents from Lipari, where there has recently been a murder. Who'd have thought Sicily had a lower murder rate than the Faeroes? I had Baba aux Malavasie from a wonderful cake shop in Lipari town. Actually, I had it twice, as the first time I took a bite and accidentally dropped it in the gutter.
picture of holly in snow
It appears to be the last day of the calendar year. How did that happen? Christmas has been busy and enjoyable, though I have failed to get to the hairdresser and it has rained far too much for my liking. I have had some lovely presents and eaten a great deal of very nice food.

Said food included not only the usual turkey, gammon, wine, sprouts, mince pies and so on, but the dinner served in the film of Babette's Feast*. Some of my close relatives claim not to be fannish: I think that when said bunch of people spend several hours re-enacting a film complete with key moments of dialogue ("Blinis demidoff", "I was the chef at the Cafe Anglais") complete with facial gestures, claims of non-fannishness fail to convince.

I give you cailles en sarcophage as a crowning achievement of 2011. I am particularly proud of the pastry heads.



*There were a few differences. Turtles are not obtainable by the UK domestic cook, we used rather cheaper wines, and we omitted to hire a 14 year old boy to do the serving. A savarin, however, turns out to be very easy to make.
picture of holly in snow
Finished work for 2011, hurrah! Seventeen days of leisure await. The week has been grimly crammed with stuff that I absolutely needed to get done before leaving (as opposed to the stuff that merely needed to be done, which was long ago allowed to fall off the back of this particular lorry), but it is done, and hopefully fewer people will be around next week creating work for me to come back to, and almost no-one the week afterwards. I have done all my Christmas shopping (must finish making one present) and I now have a few days to sort things out at home and pack (must make lists!) before heading north mid-week, exact date subject to Weather. For the sake of being able to sit back and relax, I am even able to forgive this morning's forecast snow for not arriving.
Picture of a wild rabbit with text "I hope your rabbit dies"
Richard Dawkins: a man born in 1941, former holder of the University of Oxford Professorship of the Public Understanding of Science, evolutionary biologist, husband of Lalla Ward, atheist, and man who sometimes says things that people who adhere to religious beliefs find mildly offensive or to touch a nerve.

Adolf Hitler: a man born in 1889, Chancellor of Germany from 1933 to 1945, and generally agreed to be one of the nastier political figures of the twentieth century, whose policies, philosophies, and actions, led to the murder of millions of people, and the death in war of millions more.

I think there’s quite a difference between these two men.

Let’s get something else straight. If you think that there is the slightest justification for comparing these two people, or Dawkins and Stalin, or Dawkins and Islamic terrorists, or Dawkins and fascists, or Dawkins and Nazis, or Dawkins and people who by their position in religious organisations hold a position in the second chamber of our bicameral parliamentary system*, you can get off this blog and be no loss whatsoever. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

No, I don't think that atheists in the UK are oppressed. I do think that an awful lot of Christians have an overweening sense of entitlement and get pathetically offended when people behave in a very, very mild way towards them as they regularly behave towards the rest of us, and that they then behave in rather unpleasant ways. I am anxious about making this post because I don't want to upset people. Talk about double standards! I can't listen to the radio over breakfast without being regularly insulted for not adhering to religions, I don't get to go to the train station without being called a fool because I don't believe in God, and I don't get to walk down the shopping street at lunch time without being called a thief bound for hell. Richard Dawkins doesn't come up to people trying to go to WH Smith and deliver personal insults, but that's what I dodged last week on Cornmarket. If you can't stop yourself from committing murder without the threat of damnation, then you're a very scary person. I'm better than that.

*Did you see what I did there? No, it wasn’t very nice, was it? More seriously, it is of course very true that Dawkins, not being a Lord Spiritual, does not have the power to vote on legislation in parliament, unlike the representatives of people who compare him to Hitler when he gets an occasional column in a paper.

ETA: I'm now going to go and do something actually enjoyable with what remains of my evening. Don't expect responses to comments before morning. And seriously, I do not expect to come back to 'funny' comments about how Dawkins annoys you and is comparable to something else. This post is not the place for it.
Picture of a wild rabbit with text "I hope your rabbit dies"
Middle Sister and Brother-in-Law came for the weekend, overlapping so that MS was here on Friday and Saturday, and Brother-in-Law on Saturday and Sunday, thus allowing easy consultation on the vital matter of Christmas presents. Highlights of the weekend included:

- Birthday presents! Obviously. And cake, even if only M&S chocolate fudge cake. For anyone hunting for Christmas presents for people who like to cook (or just people who like to eat), I highly recommend The Flavour Thesaurus, which I received on Friday morning and had consulted to practical effect before breakfast.

- Going for a four-mile run on Saturday morning with MS (I did walk bits of it, but really not too much). It turns out that the local park has a measured mile that does not, as I had mistakenly thought, involving crossing the ring road and running round the local housing estate. I haven’t been running since March, so it was good to take the opportunity of a kick start under circumstances that didn’t allow me to wimp out. I’m resolved to make this a weekend habit.

- Romantics Anonymous at the cinema. It was a good thing I’d seen a trailer for this, because the cinema brochure was not enticing. It is a light French comedy about hopelessly shy people bonding over chocolate and falling in love after getting involved with one another because it’s easier than finding something else to say, and it makes for a delightful 80 minutes. A couple of translation issues struck me as not ideal the first is the title, which sounds rather more Richard Curtis than the film is, but I suppose is OK. The second I thought was more serious, in that the film opens with the heroine walking to a job interview singing “I Have Confidence in Me”, as famously sung by Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. She later sings it to boost herself at key moments, occasionally with the actions. The subtitles translated the French version, itself a translation, back into English. I thought this was a mistake, as the point is not the precise French words, but that we recognise the reference. My sister didn’t, because she didn’t connect the actress’s voice with Andrews’ singing. The use of the original words strikes to get over the main point – she’s imitating a particular scene and character – seems much important to me than any nuance in the French. Not least because if there is an important nuance in the French it didn’t come across in the subtitles that they were trying to get to rhyme...

Is it really forecast to thunder tomorrow??
picture of holly in snow
One of many great things about my middle school was its enthusiastic approach to that suite of lessons that includes under art, woodwork, and home economics (i.e. sewing and cookery), in which we spent a great deal of time doing things, and none at all designing packaging and such things that seem now to be called “design and technology”. As a result of which I can theoretically use an exciting range of nasty electrical saws and drills (not that I often have occasion to), and everyone in the class could sew on a button and turn up a hem. I can also make pastry. We spent an entire half-term on pastry and bread (the previous two years were “ensuring all ten year olds can feed themselves”, followed by “ensuring all eleven year olds can cook for a family”). My sisters, who attended the rather more carefully socially selected CofE school, learnt to ice a swiss roll. They left after two years in order not to die of boredom.

Anyway, we made pastry. Our teacher was a splendid woman who worked part-time and played golf on her days off, and she believed that we should all be able to make shortcrust pastry, and do it properly. We made shortcrust pastry for three weeks. So it is directly thanks to her that I finally got round last night to embarking upon recreating the chocolate mince pies that I bought a couple of years ago. And so I give you:

Chocolate mince pies )
Picture of a wild rabbit with text "I hope your rabbit dies"
To paraphrase Mr Barrie.

Can anyone recommend a running rucksack? Preferably for not more than £25.
Picture of hollyhocks in bloom. Caption "WTF hollyhocks!"
Of course, I knew in theory that, being female, an observer of the speed limit, and not of his political persuasion, Jeremy Clarkson hated me. I didn't actually realise that he really did want me dead.

To remind you of a couple of recent cases:

Twitter user Paul Chambers received a £1000 fine for something that was obviously a joke.

A couple of kids on Facebook got four years for inciting a riot. Various other people were charged, but not found guilty.

Since Jeremy Clarkson wants me to be taken outside and executed in front of my family (and let’s not forget that public sector workers who don’t work in comfortable university offices are frequently subjected to violence in the course of their work), I wish Unison the best of look in finding something for him to be charged with. Prosecuting people who use a major public platform (and you don't get much bigger than primetime BBC1) to promote violence against a group already disproportionately affected by violence sounds an entirely sensible use of CPS money in my book. Meanwhile, the PM thinks that this is absolutely OK as long as the speaker "didn't really mean it". That'll be a great comfort to the next parademic who gets his head kicked in.
picture of holly in snow
I want: a mince pie tin

I do not want: a Yorkshire pudding fin, a fluted cupcake tin, a muffin tin, a mini-muffin tin, a madeleine tin, an éclair tin, a whoopee pie tin, or a shallow bun tin.

The high street has one last chance when I pass John Lewis tonight. Otherwise, I am turning to the internet.

I also need to decide what on earth I am buying my family for Christmas, several more days in the week, and the elves to come and tidy up my house in exchange for a bowl of milk.

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Picture of a wild rabbit with text "I hope your rabbit dies"
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