nineveh_uk: Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane (Harriet)
Dear self,

Could you please try and keep the short crackfic that you are writing instead of the long crackfic, actually short? Shortness is your only justification for spending time on it.

Thanks.

*

In the meantime, have short crackfic that DLS didn’t write, either. At least, she did write it but in a very different context.

Fragment

‘Peter—’

He shook his head, vexed at his own impotence.

(Busman’s Honeymoon, chapter XVI)
nineveh_uk: Screenshot of Wimsey and Bunter from the 1987 television production. (wimsey and bunter)
I posted, you were polled, this resulted.

Life is too short for the full version, but the edited version can be achieved while cooking dinner.

The 1950s Peter Wimsey Adventure That You Chose

‘Oh no,’ said Harriet, as the body came into view. It wore a familiar tweed suit. ‘It’s Hope.’

*

‘That doesn’t look right,’ said Peter, as the boat drew nearer. He shouted something at the diver, his words blown away on the wind, but the man seemed to hear. He bent over the corpse and seized the hair.

‘Peter, what is he – ’ It came away in his hand, a dark wig revealing a man’s closely-cropped head beneath it.

‘Who on earth,’ said Harriet, ‘has managed to get himself drowned while dressed up as Bunter’s wife?’

*

Read more... )
nineveh_uk: Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane (Harriet)
Finally, an AU version of the Busman's Honeymoon wedding night and after sequence in which everyone (or almost everyone) ends up fairly cheerful.

What hath night to do with sleep? )
nineveh_uk: Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane (Harriet)
‘You can sit down, you know,’ said Miss Vane, gesturing to the other armchair. Boyes sat.

‘How about some coffee, old girl?’

Miss Vane looked at him coldly. ‘I said you could come round. If you want someone to serve you food and drink, I suggest you employ a maid.’

*

‘Mr Boyes!’ exclaimed Hannah Westlock, opening the door to find that gentleman on the top step, supported by the strong arm of the driver. ‘Now you sit down here, and I’ll ring for the doctor.’

‘Never mind the doctor, get me a brandy. That b- wouldn’t even give me a cup of coffee.’

***

Forget buying poison while giving the name of famous murderers, or living with your boyfriend. Ironically, what ultimately lands Harriet Vane in the dock isn’t a social transgression, but adherence to social rules of politeness, first that Harriet actually agree to Boyes' demand that they meet, second that having done so she is required to play the hostess. Rules so strict that the murderer can rely on them in setting up his alibi: spoilers )
nineveh_uk: Cover illustration for "Strong Poison" in pulp fiction style with vampish Harriet. (Strong Poison)
Inspired by a line in Busman's Honeymoon.

‘Your mother is the most sensible woman I ever met,' said Harriet. 'She has a much better grasp of the facts of life than you have.’

Bride's morning after confession. Titled clubman slays mother, then self.
nineveh_uk: Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane (Harriet)
Great. Having come up with that subject line I am now thinking of "I will be with you on your wedding night" and an entirely unanticipated crossover. But I digress.

It struck me - now over a month ago, the tale has been delayed in the telling - that I had been cruel to Harriet on her wedding night, and I had likewise been cruel to Peter, but there was a third person at Talboys that night (not counting the corpse, who has suffered enough) and that I ought to be cruel to him, too. I have also been cruel to all three of them at once on one occasion (in collaboration), but Bunter has so far got away without vomiting, and that must be remedied.

‘My God!’ said Peter ... ‘do you realise what will happen to us if you die of neglect and starvation?’*

Cut for fic )
nineveh_uk: Illustration that looks like Harriet Vane (Harriet)
Groom’s wedding night confession. Marriage nullified, judge recommends further charges.

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