Wimseyfic fragment: Breaking news

[nineveh_uk]

The bodyswap fic remains 500 words or so short of an ending. That's what weekends will have to be for (and mowing the lawn). In the meantime have a fragment of early Busman's Honeymoon off-stage action in the Dowager Duchess's house.

Breaking news

The Duchess of Denver's chauffeur, having delivered his mistress to her mother-in-law's house, drew the car round to the mews and went in search of refreshment. Her grace the Dowager Duchess had recently purchased a large and luxurious saloon car, no doubt on the recommendation of her younger son, and he was eager to hear about it and should opportunity arise, drive it. Unfortunately his counterpart in the Dowager's house, while forthcoming with the tea and cake, appeared to have other things than motor vehicles occupying his mind.

'You'll never guess who's 'ere,' said Collins, resisting all suggestions that a trip to the garage was in order.

'You tell me. The Queen of Egypt?'

'Rarer. 'arriet Vane. You know, 'is lordship's bit of stuff.'

'She never is! And her grace calling. There'll be fireworks at home tonight, just you wait. The air'll be blue over Mayfair.'

Collins nodded sagely.

'She is. Wednesday, too. Came to call, stayed for tea and dinner and I drove her home after ten with a portrait of his lordship in a silver frame.'

'That mean it's official, then? Notice in the Times and all?'

'Tomorrow, according to Franklin. She had to place it for her grace, on account of his lordship being in Rome.'

'Poor bugger, you'd think they'd let him enjoy it. What's she like? Her picture's nothing to write home about.'

'She's not bad looking. Dresses decently, and a good arse. No tits, though.'

'Ah,' said Smith, 'his brother's like that, too. Leastways,' he conceded, 'when it comes to marriage.'

'Funny to think of it going by families.'

'I don't know. The old Duke wasn't like that. Her grace were a looker in her day.'

'Maybe it's Freudian,' said Smith, who read a good deal. 'A reaction against the mother. Still, I daresay his lordship knows what he's getting.'

'That's likely enough. I wonder what his nibs thinks of it? His nose'll be well out of joint if his lordship gives up the flat and he has a butler over him.'

'I wouldn't take that job for a thousand a year. Not that Bunter isn't a decent sort off-duty, and he always stands his round, but he's a devil on it.'

Collins nodded vehemently. 'I heard him once when the garage scratched his lordship's car. You'd get more sympathy and understanding out of Genghis Khan. You've got to hope for the girl's sake that he approves of her.'

Comments

[azdak.livejournal.com]

God, imagine having to tell Bunter you'd scratched Mrs Merdle...

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Worse: having to tell him that you spilt some of his Lordship's port over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle.

[azdak.livejournal.com]

Worse still: having to tell him that you spilt some of his Lordship's port over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle while having sex on the back seat.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Even worse: having to tell him that you spilt some of his Lordship's port, over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle, while having sex on the back seat, and destroying evidence in his Lordship's current investigation in the process.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Worse yet: having to tell him that you spilt some of his Lordship's port, over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle, while having sex on the back seat, and destroying evidence in his Lordship's current investigation in the process, with your partner being the chief suspect.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Worse yet: having to tell him that you spilt some of his Lordship's port, over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle, while having sex on the back seat, and destroying evidence in his Lordship's current investigation in the process, with your partner being the chief suspect, Miss Vane.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Aargh!

Worse and worse: having to tell him that you spilt some of your Uncle's port, over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle, while having sex on the back seat, and destroying evidence in his Lordship's current investigation in the process, with your partner being the chief suspect, Miss Vane.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Having to tell him that you spilt some of your Uncle's port, over the seats and carpet inside Mrs Merdle, while having sex on the back seat, and destroying evidence in his Lordship's current investigation in the process, with your partners being the chief suspects, Miss Vane and Miss Climpson.

[executrix.livejournal.com]

If Misses Vane and Climpson are in addition to the chief suspects rather than *being* the chief suspects, well, it's a large car but not THAT large. But at least if it's really crowded most of the port would have gone onto the orgiasts rather than the seats or carpet.

No, it's not that large

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

"with the chief suspects; that is, Miss Vane and Miss Climpson".

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

If Gerry is having sex with at least four people in the car (suspects plural, Vane, Climpson), then I should hope that whatever else he says, Bunter at least gives him credit for stamina.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

'What time is the boat for South America?'

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Heh :-)