nineveh_uk (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nineveh_uk) wrote2007-05-02 09:35 am
nineveh_uk) wrote2007-05-02 09:35 am
It's a meme
Many years ago, when I was eight or nine and playing third clarinet* in the Leeds Schools Town Hall Concert (junior version), one of the pieces was Sheep May Safely Graze. Unsurprisingly, as this was a piece for orchestra rather than wind band, the third clarinets did not have an exciting part. It was years before I realised that our unexciting part was actually part of the tune. Nor did I really see what it had to do with sheep. Anyway:
Name up to three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return (and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.
*Back in the day when the LEA provided free instrument lessons for (selected) children aged 7 and up, plus loan of instrument for first year. My 4 - 9 primary school had an orchestra (which was more than my high school did), and I didn't pay for a clarinet lesson until I was 16.
See below for:
A Day in the Life of Argus Filch requested by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
themolesmother
Andromeda Black fangirls Stubby Boardman requested bydolorous_ett
Luna Makes a Dress out of the Veil requested byaerama
Teenage Bellatrix's shameless profligate goth lovelife requested bydolabellae
Andromeda makes Harriet and Peter protect Bellatrix and Tonks got rather long so is under the cut. Requested bytweedledani
It seemed that out of battle
It wasn’t that Lord Peter had not expected the Lord’s turnstiles to lead them to a new world – it was, after all, the first time that he had asked Harriet to accompany him anywhere he would inflict his friends upon her, and he was torn between astonished gratification at her willingness to spend the day with him at the Eton - Harrow match, and terror that they would meet some dreadful friend of Helen’s who would set his efforts back years - he had not, however, expected the new world to be quite so different. From the bright light of a day they had been transported to a scented summer night and the centre of a sound and light show in the remains of a Roman amphitheatre.
‘Peter?’ Harriet’s voice was ever so slightly unsteady. ‘What on earth is going on.’
‘I’m not’ – a flash of green light howled past them like a shell and struck the rock wall behind them. A shout and another flash – red this time – and before he could think he had seized Harriet round the waist and pulled her to moderate safety behind a pile of rubble. All around them robed figures were racing and shouting, and waving coloured lights at one another.
‘It looks like somebody has discovered the Top Secret Weapon of the thrillers,’ said Harriet.
‘Hmm’. It looked like war, thought Wimsey, more specifically it looked like wizards – and witches, he was sure some of the voices belonged to women – duelling with wands. Yesterday he would have called such a thing impossible. Today, as it seemed to be happening, it must be the truth. The other possibility, that he was dreaming it, could not be ruled out, in which case he must hope that Bunter would come and wake him up soon, but in the meantime he would feel much better if he managed to sort things out. He checked that Harriet was tucked well within shelter, found a piece of wood that had once been a notice to tourists, and carefully raised his head to look over the wall. No-one was paying them much attention – no-one, he realized, freezing, except the pale woman with dark hair flying round her head who was duelling another robed figure over the bodies of two fallen comrades. She felled her enemy, and seized one of the bodies, dragging it towards him. Lord Peter looked around, hissed ‘Stay here!’ at Harriet, and ran to the woman’s aid.
‘Lord Peter? Thank goodness. Will you take Bella – I can’t lift her – and I’ll help Nymphadora.’ She thrust the woman into his arms. Her head fell back and he saw the likeness between the two women – one inbred scion recognising another. She was still breathing. Surely somebody would notice them in a moment? He swung her up and set off for the refuge as the witch grasped the other figure – Nymphadora, poor woman - and helped her over the uneven floor.
He found Harriet waiting for them with a large spike of wood in her hands and a small pile of grenade-sized rocks. She waited until the two casualties had been laid carefully upon the floor before fixing the witch with a steely glare.
‘Just what exactly is going on?’
‘I’m sorry – there was no time to explain. My name’s Andromeda Black – Professor. I needed somebody sensible and trustworthy to protect them, and you, Miss Vane, and Lord Peter, were the only ones I could think of. I’ve brought you through with a sort of modified Time Turner – I’ll take you back afterwards, and I won’t obliviate you – I don’t approve of it. Just stay here and look after them. I’ve got a couple of guns, and the others won’t know what they are, so should steer clear.’
Harriet stared, but Peter, finding his feet again in the battle sense, seized on a niggling point. ‘Bella – she’s your sister, isn’t she – is on the other side. What if she wakes up?’
‘She won’t; I knocked her out myself. And if Nymphadora tries to get back to the action, you can shoot her – flesh wound for preference, they’re easier to mend.’
Professor Black disappeared with a cry of “Accio guns!” and a bang, and Peter was hit in the stomach by a canvas sack containing a number of interesting museum pieces, a jumble of elderly bullet and, thank heavens, a single handgun.
‘She hasn’t got a b----- clue,’ he muttered. ‘Harriet, have you ever used a gun?’
‘Never, I’m afraid.’
‘Then you’d better take this.’ He handed her a hunting rifle. ‘I’ve loaded it, so you just put your hand here - that’s it – and if you point it at the sky it’ll make a very loud bang and give your shoulder a terrific kick, but it should frighten people who’ve never heard one before. For God’s sake don’t try to aim it.’
‘All right, Peter.’ And after a moment, ‘Peter, the girl’s blacked out.’
‘Oh hell! She doesn’t look too bad otherwise, though. Perhaps we’d better not interrupt.’ He nodded his head towards the battle.
‘I think she’s Professor Black’s daughter.’
‘Damn! No Harriet, I’m sorry, but we aren’t going to keep them safe by calling attention to ourselves.’
‘Of course, you’re quite right.’
‘Harriet?’
‘Yes, Peter?’
‘Will you marry me?
‘Certainly not, we’ve travelled through time and I’ve nothing to wear. That’s a point – if we do get out alive, do you think Professor Black will be able to restore our clothes fit for the match? She is a witch, isn’t she?’
‘I was rapidly coming to that conclusion. You seem to be taking it very calmly.’
‘Well, it’s mad, of course, but we haven’t actually been hurt yet, and she did say she’d take us back. Quite honestly, unusual though this situation may be, I’ve been a lot more scared about other things.’ She smiled.’ You’re not doing to badly yourself.’
‘Oh, well, I was a soldier for a time, you know.’ And this was nothing compared to that. ‘Besides, I am endeavouring put on a display of manly nonchalance in the manner of certain film stars in the hope you might be impressed. Are you?’
‘I think I had better not say.’
‘Perhaps not, I –’ A white-masked figure stumbled upon them. Before Harriet could react, Wimsey had his gun to its temple and the wand twisted out of its fingers. ‘Don’t move,’ he said coolly, ‘or I’ll kill you.’
‘Kill - oh good Lord, what ridiculous idea of Andromeda’s is this? I don’t suppose there’s any point in insisting that I am in fact a double-agent working on her side? Nobody else believes it.’
Nymphadora stirred suddenly. ‘Professor Snape?’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s all right, sir, he really is on our side,’ a statement apparently so extraordinary that Snape forgot the gun and turned to stare at her in astonishment. She grinned. ‘Mum’s not realized that I’m much better at being stealthy these days. And the pipes in the bathroom run down behind the dining room.’
‘Thank you, Tonks. If you will accept my bona fides, sir, I am needed on the other side of this wall. Miss Vane, I am a great admirer of your books. Tonks, tell your mother she’s a fool, but I am glad to see you alive.’ Then he, too, vanished.
The battle seemed to go on all night, but by Harriet’s watch it was only ninety minutes before the last blast rent the air, and Andromeda Black returned soot-stained and limping to send her daughter off to hospital. Nymphadora glanced at her aunt with an interrogating look, but Andromeda only stared back, silent.
‘Now Lord Peter, Miss Vane. I believe it is time for you to return. If you would stand up – thank-you – I’ll just attend to your clothes. I’ve always been good at household spells.’ She waved her wand in their direction, muttering some mangled Latin. There you go. I’ll put you back just inside the turnstiles, I think. I needn’t tell you not to talk about this – no-one would believe you anyway – and I’ve arranged for some explanatory notes to reach your flats. I really am very grateful.’ She held out her hand, and they shook it. Lord Peter looked towards the still-unconscious Bella.
‘Will she be all right?’
‘I’ve no idea. Perhaps. I haven’t much time – they’ll see she’s missing soon. Goodbye.’
And they were gone.
The light inside the cricket ground burned white and green.
‘Peter – ’
‘I know. But we’ll have to talk about it later – there’s Freddie Arbuthnot. Come and be introduced. He’s an idiot, but a good chap, and I think you’ll like his wife.’
Harriet tucked her arm in his.
‘There’s one thing – if I had been the least bit nervous about today, I couldn’t possibly be now.’
Name up to three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return (and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.
*Back in the day when the LEA provided free instrument lessons for (selected) children aged 7 and up, plus loan of instrument for first year. My 4 - 9 primary school had an orchestra (which was more than my high school did), and I didn't pay for a clarinet lesson until I was 16.
See below for:
A Day in the Life of Argus Filch requested by
themolesmotherAndromeda Black fangirls Stubby Boardman requested by
dolorous_ettLuna Makes a Dress out of the Veil requested by
aeramaTeenage Bellatrix's shameless profligate goth lovelife requested by
dolabellaeAndromeda makes Harriet and Peter protect Bellatrix and Tonks got rather long so is under the cut. Requested by
tweedledaniIt seemed that out of battle
It wasn’t that Lord Peter had not expected the Lord’s turnstiles to lead them to a new world – it was, after all, the first time that he had asked Harriet to accompany him anywhere he would inflict his friends upon her, and he was torn between astonished gratification at her willingness to spend the day with him at the Eton - Harrow match, and terror that they would meet some dreadful friend of Helen’s who would set his efforts back years - he had not, however, expected the new world to be quite so different. From the bright light of a day they had been transported to a scented summer night and the centre of a sound and light show in the remains of a Roman amphitheatre.
‘Peter?’ Harriet’s voice was ever so slightly unsteady. ‘What on earth is going on.’
‘I’m not’ – a flash of green light howled past them like a shell and struck the rock wall behind them. A shout and another flash – red this time – and before he could think he had seized Harriet round the waist and pulled her to moderate safety behind a pile of rubble. All around them robed figures were racing and shouting, and waving coloured lights at one another.
‘It looks like somebody has discovered the Top Secret Weapon of the thrillers,’ said Harriet.
‘Hmm’. It looked like war, thought Wimsey, more specifically it looked like wizards – and witches, he was sure some of the voices belonged to women – duelling with wands. Yesterday he would have called such a thing impossible. Today, as it seemed to be happening, it must be the truth. The other possibility, that he was dreaming it, could not be ruled out, in which case he must hope that Bunter would come and wake him up soon, but in the meantime he would feel much better if he managed to sort things out. He checked that Harriet was tucked well within shelter, found a piece of wood that had once been a notice to tourists, and carefully raised his head to look over the wall. No-one was paying them much attention – no-one, he realized, freezing, except the pale woman with dark hair flying round her head who was duelling another robed figure over the bodies of two fallen comrades. She felled her enemy, and seized one of the bodies, dragging it towards him. Lord Peter looked around, hissed ‘Stay here!’ at Harriet, and ran to the woman’s aid.
‘Lord Peter? Thank goodness. Will you take Bella – I can’t lift her – and I’ll help Nymphadora.’ She thrust the woman into his arms. Her head fell back and he saw the likeness between the two women – one inbred scion recognising another. She was still breathing. Surely somebody would notice them in a moment? He swung her up and set off for the refuge as the witch grasped the other figure – Nymphadora, poor woman - and helped her over the uneven floor.
He found Harriet waiting for them with a large spike of wood in her hands and a small pile of grenade-sized rocks. She waited until the two casualties had been laid carefully upon the floor before fixing the witch with a steely glare.
‘Just what exactly is going on?’
‘I’m sorry – there was no time to explain. My name’s Andromeda Black – Professor. I needed somebody sensible and trustworthy to protect them, and you, Miss Vane, and Lord Peter, were the only ones I could think of. I’ve brought you through with a sort of modified Time Turner – I’ll take you back afterwards, and I won’t obliviate you – I don’t approve of it. Just stay here and look after them. I’ve got a couple of guns, and the others won’t know what they are, so should steer clear.’
Harriet stared, but Peter, finding his feet again in the battle sense, seized on a niggling point. ‘Bella – she’s your sister, isn’t she – is on the other side. What if she wakes up?’
‘She won’t; I knocked her out myself. And if Nymphadora tries to get back to the action, you can shoot her – flesh wound for preference, they’re easier to mend.’
Professor Black disappeared with a cry of “Accio guns!” and a bang, and Peter was hit in the stomach by a canvas sack containing a number of interesting museum pieces, a jumble of elderly bullet and, thank heavens, a single handgun.
‘She hasn’t got a b----- clue,’ he muttered. ‘Harriet, have you ever used a gun?’
‘Never, I’m afraid.’
‘Then you’d better take this.’ He handed her a hunting rifle. ‘I’ve loaded it, so you just put your hand here - that’s it – and if you point it at the sky it’ll make a very loud bang and give your shoulder a terrific kick, but it should frighten people who’ve never heard one before. For God’s sake don’t try to aim it.’
‘All right, Peter.’ And after a moment, ‘Peter, the girl’s blacked out.’
‘Oh hell! She doesn’t look too bad otherwise, though. Perhaps we’d better not interrupt.’ He nodded his head towards the battle.
‘I think she’s Professor Black’s daughter.’
‘Damn! No Harriet, I’m sorry, but we aren’t going to keep them safe by calling attention to ourselves.’
‘Of course, you’re quite right.’
‘Harriet?’
‘Yes, Peter?’
‘Will you marry me?
‘Certainly not, we’ve travelled through time and I’ve nothing to wear. That’s a point – if we do get out alive, do you think Professor Black will be able to restore our clothes fit for the match? She is a witch, isn’t she?’
‘I was rapidly coming to that conclusion. You seem to be taking it very calmly.’
‘Well, it’s mad, of course, but we haven’t actually been hurt yet, and she did say she’d take us back. Quite honestly, unusual though this situation may be, I’ve been a lot more scared about other things.’ She smiled.’ You’re not doing to badly yourself.’
‘Oh, well, I was a soldier for a time, you know.’ And this was nothing compared to that. ‘Besides, I am endeavouring put on a display of manly nonchalance in the manner of certain film stars in the hope you might be impressed. Are you?’
‘I think I had better not say.’
‘Perhaps not, I –’ A white-masked figure stumbled upon them. Before Harriet could react, Wimsey had his gun to its temple and the wand twisted out of its fingers. ‘Don’t move,’ he said coolly, ‘or I’ll kill you.’
‘Kill - oh good Lord, what ridiculous idea of Andromeda’s is this? I don’t suppose there’s any point in insisting that I am in fact a double-agent working on her side? Nobody else believes it.’
Nymphadora stirred suddenly. ‘Professor Snape?’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s all right, sir, he really is on our side,’ a statement apparently so extraordinary that Snape forgot the gun and turned to stare at her in astonishment. She grinned. ‘Mum’s not realized that I’m much better at being stealthy these days. And the pipes in the bathroom run down behind the dining room.’
‘Thank you, Tonks. If you will accept my bona fides, sir, I am needed on the other side of this wall. Miss Vane, I am a great admirer of your books. Tonks, tell your mother she’s a fool, but I am glad to see you alive.’ Then he, too, vanished.
The battle seemed to go on all night, but by Harriet’s watch it was only ninety minutes before the last blast rent the air, and Andromeda Black returned soot-stained and limping to send her daughter off to hospital. Nymphadora glanced at her aunt with an interrogating look, but Andromeda only stared back, silent.
‘Now Lord Peter, Miss Vane. I believe it is time for you to return. If you would stand up – thank-you – I’ll just attend to your clothes. I’ve always been good at household spells.’ She waved her wand in their direction, muttering some mangled Latin. There you go. I’ll put you back just inside the turnstiles, I think. I needn’t tell you not to talk about this – no-one would believe you anyway – and I’ve arranged for some explanatory notes to reach your flats. I really am very grateful.’ She held out her hand, and they shook it. Lord Peter looked towards the still-unconscious Bella.
‘Will she be all right?’
‘I’ve no idea. Perhaps. I haven’t much time – they’ll see she’s missing soon. Goodbye.’
And they were gone.
The light inside the cricket ground burned white and green.
‘Peter – ’
‘I know. But we’ll have to talk about it later – there’s Freddie Arbuthnot. Come and be introduced. He’s an idiot, but a good chap, and I think you’ll like his wife.’
Harriet tucked her arm in his.
‘There’s one thing – if I had been the least bit nervous about today, I couldn’t possibly be now.’