If you find out the answer to the first question, tell me! I've been trying to find it for yonks.

Wouldn't starting your parents with Shards of Honour and Barrayar (aka Cordelia's Honour) be the way to go? Adults dealing with an adult problem, rather than manic adolescent Miles starting his career of running into walls? In many ways the initial books are only incidentally SF, depsite Bujold using SF possibilities to dream up even more moral dilemmas.