Let's play Yuletide Hell!

[nineveh_uk]

As we wait for nominations for fandoms to go up, I think it is time for another round of Yuletide Hell!

The rules of the game are simple: write in comments the Yuletide prompt that you would hate to get. Others are then invited to try and write a sentence of it. Ed: Or just explain why your fail.

Remember, to be true to the spirit of Yuletide Hell, without which you will totally ruin Yuletide for the whole internet, your prompt cannot be too entitled, self-contradictory, and generally batshit. A reminder of the actual Yuletide rules: the writer is required to write in the fandom and using the characters specified by the requester. That is all. Optional details are entirely optional. Nonetheless, I expect that all prompters on this page will have many optional details that they will fully expect their writers to cover, and will also be dreadfully, mortally offended if writers do not merely cover the prompt, but fail to intuit what the requester wanted but forgot to write down.

A couple to get you started:

(1) The Blue Castle, Cissy Gay. I have such a kink for pregnancy fic! It would be awesome if you could write about how Cissy Gay got pregnant (but make sure that you promote safe sex because it’s really important that we use fic to educate people). Maybe she had an affair with Gilbert Blythe, lol, when he was teaching at the school at White Sands, because Anne had rejected him, and Cissy looks a bit like her. Then Cissy gets pregnant and Gilbert tries to drug her so he can force her to have an abortion, but Cissy wants to keep the baby even after she faints from morning sickness in church and everybody guesses and thinks she’s a slut. Sex-positive fics only, thanx!

(2) Bredon/Bunter. Bredon looks just like Peter and Bunter can’t help having dirty thoughts about him, but then Bredon finds out and they have a really hot affair. Obviously it’s really important to me that your fic not contain any fail or -isms and have due regard to the kyriarchy. Also, I think that non-con is really squicky so please don't write that (also that means no under-age, cuz if you can’t legally consent then it’s alwaysgoing to be non-con). Must be really explicit! Don’t make Bunter over 65, old people sex is SOOOOO gross ;-) I know that you're going to write something wonderful, I hope it's really long!

Comments

Oh, I like this game!

[el_staplador]

John Buchan Hannayverse

(I have, of course, signed up for 'any', and therefore deserve everything I get. But so has my recipient.)

NC-17 Medina/Peter John. NO NON-CON! Pleeease make it really long with lots of plot and sexytiems. Background Richard/Sandy. I hate Mary, she's such a Sue, and what's with the age gap? No racism.

Re: Oh, I like this game!

[nineveh_uk]

(Checks Wikipedia for plot. PUts brain back together.) Is consensual hypnosis OK, with safewords, or do you hold that hyposis is inherently non-con?

Marlowverse

[legionseagle]

Peter/Patrick

Can I have an AU of Peter's Room please in which Peter and Patrick really fancy each other but Peter can't say anything because he's worried what having a boyfriend will do to his Naval career (some focus on the damage done by DADT would be really cool but don't make it too preachy!) and Patrick is racked with guilt about his feelings (only not too much Christian stuff plss!). Patrick flirts with Ginty to make Peter jealous but then realises that she's taken it very seriously and starts cutting when he breaks it off. Happy ending, pls!

PS I never read the sections in italics in the book because it looked boring and I didn't understand it, so pls could you not include anything from those bits

Re: Marlowverse

[nineveh_uk]

With the batshit bits removed, I could read that...

[clanwilliam]

I still want the Maynard triplets incestuous roadtrip.

Oh go on then...

[nineveh_uk]

‘I still think it was a mistake to hire a Mini,’ grumbled Margot. ‘Three leggy girls like us aren’t exactly going to be comfortable on the drive from Interlaken to Oxford, though at least I can shove the driver’s seat back once I’ve dropped the two of you off. I’m not sure that those trunks on the roofrack are very secure, either. I’d hate them to fall off on the Autobahn,’ she finished, using the German word for motorway.

‘I think Chas and Steve did a very good job fitting the three of them up there,’ said Len, springing to the defence of her younger brothers. ‘They were up before breakfast putting the scaffolding together so they could get the third one on.’

‘And I don’t know why you’re complaining about being squashed,’ put in Con, sliding her hand under her sister’s skirt. ‘There’s lots of room as long as one of us sits on another’s lap, and I know how you like that.’

JRR Tolkien: the Silmarillion

[legionseagle]

Anything in this 'verse except no Luthien (God, what a Sue!), no incest and no Elves killing each other. I want it to really reflect Professor Tolkien's values.

Re: JRR Tolkien: the Silmarillion

[nineveh_uk]

When you say no incest, what degree of kinship is that to? I know that traditional Catholic rules were different and I don't want to be insensitive, but I was planning on writing something about how Merry feels his desires for Pippin are wrong because they are cousins.

[legionseagle]

NC-17 British TV chef RPF preferably involving any of Gordon Ramsey, Nigel Slater, Heston Blumental or Rick Stein or all of the above. Please note I follow a strict locavore lifestyle with all ingredients to be sourced within 50 miles of my home in Marin County, CA. Any recipes/references to recipes to reflect locavore principles as well as be suitable for those with dairy, gluten and nut sensitivities. No bad language, pls!

[nineveh_uk]

The person who got this request, of course, had actually offered late-C20 Scandinavian politislash.

[ankaret]

Cabin Pressure.

NC-17 Martin / genderswapped!GERTI

Martin has wanted to be an airline pilot ever since he was six, and before that he wanted to be a plane. But what if one day he wakes up and finds he is a plane? Bonus points if they both also turn out to be Transformers! Please, no het.

[legionseagle]

I hope this is someone responding to this thread, not something nasty in the zeitgeist.

[castiron]

Mansfield Park Edmund Bertram/Mary Crawford. Fanny cheats on Edmund with Henry and then dies bearing his bastard child, so Edmund and Mary can finally get together like they were meant to. No OOC; no misogyny.

[nineveh_uk]

It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a reading fan, in possession of a computer, must be in want of a completely ahistoric plot.

[antisoppist]

Ngaio Marsh

Alleyn/Vassily but please not Vassily/Alleyn because that would be squicky. I love it when people speak Russian, it's so cute. Using the US Library of Congress transliteration system, obviously. If you can work in Troy/Katti Bostock as well that would be fantastic. Bonus points if it's Troy and Alleyn's wedding night and there is buttered toast.

Requester will be heartbroken if fic fails to include the indecent use of a samovar but has neglected to mention this.

[nineveh_uk]

But Vassily/Alleyn is squicky because it enacts the subserviance of the servant class (unless Vassily finds it empowering, in which case it is OK).

Requester will be heartbroken if fic fails to include the indecent use of a samovar but has neglected to mention this.

With appropriate safety warnings about metal and hot water, I hope?

WARNINGS: For consumption of wheat and high-fat content dairy products.

[nineveh_uk]

WARNINGS: For consumption of wheat and high-fat content dairy products.

...he raised the triangle of toast to her lips. Troy moaned as she felt the crumbs brush the sensitive skin and drop down her neck.

'Rory!'

She licked the melted butter that had dripped down his wrist, continuing to where it had fallen onto his silk pyjamas, the oil soaking into the fabric so that it was transparent, revealing the hard nipple beneath...

[tree_and_leaf]

Peter Wimsey.

I've always shipped Peter/ Theodore Venables (all those high church vicars are kind of queer, y/y? But not Theodore/ Peter, ick!) so I'd like NC-17, but not porn. Adultery squicks me, so this is an AU where Mrs Venables doesn't exist.

Obviously I don't want anything that's sexist or reinforces the kyriarchy, but I don't need to tell you that I hope, lol. I've got a massive priest kink so I want lots of naughty stuff about vestments and I'd love as much details as possible - bonus points for misuse of maniples! It really makes me sad when people get the details wrong, so I recommend you read Percy Dearmer's "Parson's Handbook" and Fortescue on the liturgy. Also I think thuribles are really hot! But DON'T DON'T DON'T bring religion into it, I want a happy fluffy fic! No OOC please.

But I'm sure I'll be really happy with whatever you write for me :)

[tree_and_leaf]

Requester will be spending an extended period of time in Purgatory, I fear....

[nineveh_uk]

If adultery squicks you why have you requested this, given that Peter/Bunter is clearly canonically intended only Sayers couldn't make its explicit BDSM nature clear at the time because England was unconstitutionally ignoring the First Amendment.

[el_staplador]

I can't believe you still follow Percy Dearmer, not since the trainwreck of fail that was the English Hymnal. Have you not come across 'Ritual Notes'?

[mme_hardy]

I hope you don't mind, but I've made Venables into an Anabaptist, because that's much more in his character. As a result, no vestments. or, indeed, buttons. Also the whole thing has been reset in Pennsylvania because that's historically accurate. I hope this will be what you really want!

The Hobbit

[legionseagle]

NC-17 Bilbo/anyone. No het. Please be aware of the serious problem of height-related bullying in high school and that even something which may strike you as light-hearted teasing could be very triggering to someone who has suffered this particular hell. DO NOT USE THE "D" WORD UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Re: The Hobbit

[ankaret]

"I never thought of using honey that way..." mused Beorn.

[lizbee]

Enid Blyton's Malory Towers - Darrell/Gwen. Gwen has always been infatuated with Darrell, and now they're having one on one swimming lessons! An exploration of the use of sports to enforce social norms and create meaningless competition between natural allies would be great, as well as something about the social pressure of participation in midnight feasts on students with eating disorders. And I'd love a deconstruction of the class and education systems! Longfic that's true to the spirit and style of Blyton would be extra-appreciated!