Hi, letter writer! I don't know who some of these people are, so I've just missed them out!! (I should probably have checked who the characters on this would be before signing up to write - but I thought it would be all David Mitchell/Charlie Brooker/Giles Fraser threesome requests).
Dear 'My friends and family think my husband is a horrid Tory', I did a quick google and I see that 'Tory' is what we call a 'Republican'. It's true that political differences can be a problem in relationships, which is why I try to include it in conversation during the first two minutes of meeting a potential date. However, your problem sounds like it's not so much that your husband is a horrid Tory, but that your family and friends disagree with him. Friends get to have an opinion on this, but they should process away from you. Here are some scripts you can use:
You: Hey, chief [or $friendname]. I might be wrong but I think we've already talked this to death already. This makes me feel bored of your repetitive conversation. One thing we could do is stop talking about this. How does that sound to you? Them: blah blah blah something you don't need to listen to You: I take that on board, but we can't talk about this anymore. Is that something you can do? Them: blah blah but he'll force your child to go to Eton and be a capitalist prig. You: Since you won't acquiesce to my simple request, I'm afraid I'll have to find a completely new set of friends. No hard feelings! Boundaries! Deliver african violets to the whole group as necessary.
With your mother, I suggest you just put the phone down on her whenever she mentions it, and walk out the house if you're visiting and she brings it up. She'll either respect your boundaries or... you won't have to deal with her saying these things. I don't want commenters weighing in with diagnoses over the internet, but you might find My Mother Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder a useful book for you.
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Date: 2014-10-07 07:26 pm (UTC)Dear 'My friends and family think my husband is a horrid Tory',
I did a quick google and I see that 'Tory' is what we call a 'Republican'. It's true that political differences can be a problem in relationships, which is why I try to include it in conversation during the first two minutes of meeting a potential date.
However, your problem sounds like it's not so much that your husband is a horrid Tory, but that your family and friends disagree with him. Friends get to have an opinion on this, but they should process away from you. Here are some scripts you can use:
You: Hey, chief [or $friendname]. I might be wrong but I think we've already talked this to death already. This makes me feel bored of your repetitive conversation. One thing we could do is stop talking about this. How does that sound to you?
Them: blah blah blah something you don't need to listen to
You: I take that on board, but we can't talk about this anymore. Is that something you can do?
Them: blah blah but he'll force your child to go to Eton and be a capitalist prig.
You: Since you won't acquiesce to my simple request, I'm afraid I'll have to find a completely new set of friends. No hard feelings! Boundaries!
Deliver african violets to the whole group as necessary.
With your mother, I suggest you just put the phone down on her whenever she mentions it, and walk out the house if you're visiting and she brings it up. She'll either respect your boundaries or... you won't have to deal with her saying these things. I don't want commenters weighing in with diagnoses over the internet, but you might find My Mother Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder a useful book for you.