The Return of Yuletide Hell
Oct. 7th, 2014 12:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nineveh_ukIt’s that time of year again! The cards creep into the shops. Mince pies and whatever “Ecclefachan”* pies are start to appear on the shelves. Far, far away the attentive ear catches the sound of reindeer bells, and on a screen near you the first signs of Yuletide start to be seen. Which means that it is time for the return of How Will You Ruin Yuletide?
I first ruined Yuletide in 2009.
I did it in 2010 with a poll.
And again in 2011, on both LJ and DW.
In 2012 and 2013 I ruined Yuletide by not Ruining Yuletide. That is worst of all.
And now it is 2014, the nominations are in, the fandoms are being sorted, people are are having arguments about what should go in Yuletide letters, and whether saying you don’t want cannibalism in Flower Fairies fandom is kinkshaming.
So I have two choices. I could Ruin Yuletide by write a very long post about how to do everything right that is actually accurate and quite reasonable (except that it is 20,000 words long and starts a flamewar on![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yuletide_coal that spills over into civil war in Quebec), and then break the spirit of every rule in my own fic.
Or I could do a Yuletide Hell game post. I choose the latter.
The rules are simple: write in comments the Yuletide prompt that you would hate to get. Others are then invited to try and write a sentence of it.
Like every other facet of Yuletide, it is of course more complicated. To be true to the spirit of Yuletide Hell, there is no possible degree by which your prompt could be too entitled, self-contradictory, and generally batshit. While optional details are entirely optional I nonetheless expect that all prompters on this page will have many optional details that they will fully expect their writers to cover, and will also be dreadfully, mortally offended if writers do not merely cover the prompt, but fail to intuit what the requester wanted but forgot to write down.
Here are mine to start off with...
(1) Measure for Measure. Angelo/Isabella. Thanks so much for writing this for me, Yuletider! I know that you’ll do something true to the spirit of Shakespeare’s play! Though don’t do iambic pentameter unless you can really measure up to the standard set by Will as I find bad poetry triggering. Angelo and Isabella are my OTP, so it’s such a pity that Isabella’s internalised misogyny and Vienna’s slut-shaming culture make her unable to respond in a sex-positive way to Angelo’s proposal. I’d love some fix-it fic that has Angelo teaching Isabella to respect her identity as a sexual being. Also, it’s so stupid that Juliet and Claudio don’t practice responsible contraception. I know it’s 1603, but NFP was available then and they should have educated themselves more responsibly, so no babyfic. Bloodplay and BDSM are canonical, so don’t leave them out.
(2) 17 Moments of Spring. Stirlitz/Schellenberg. Omegaverse. I just think that the confluence of the last days of the Third Reich and A/B/O could lend a really fascinating dimension to the story. Obviously in order to respect the very serious setting of the canon complete historical accuracy is a must. It is particularly important that you get the uniforms right.**
(3) Lord Peter Wimsey. Bunter. Bunter isn’t actually in the list of characters, because I didn't nominate the fandoms I planned to request because the Spirit of Yuletide means other people should nominate them for me while I nominate for things I want to write experimentally but actually hate, so I selected Any, but that doesn’t matter, he is still the main one you should write about. I have a very, very specific story in mind, and if you don’t write about this then obviously you are going to ruin Yuletide forever and also possibly cause me to go on the rampage and destroy all Christmas trees within a hundred miles. I’d like a post-war story that has Bunter start by wanting to help Peter to overcome his shell-shock, but he gets to like Peter being dependent on him and when he realizes that Peter doesn’t remember what happens during his nightmares, starts to coerce him into acting as his sex slave. But Bunter’s got an enormous sex drive (and that’s not the only enormous thing, lol!) and wants more sex, so he tricks Peter into thinking that hypnotherapy will help him, so that he can force him to have sex whenever he wants. Please respect Bunter’s demisexual identity.
BTW, I know that the Wimsey canon can be intimidating for a first-time writer, but don’t worry. As long as you avoid the most egregrious Americanisms and make sure you say things like “settee” instead of sofa, couch, or Chesterfield, and stick closely to Strunk and White, I’m sure you’ll be fine.
*Some sort of cross between Lancashire and Wales?
**Note in 2015. The recipient was lucky enough to receive an absolutely masterful fic for this prompt, in which Stirlitz’s cover is blown when he screamed in Russian during childbirth.
I first ruined Yuletide in 2009.
I did it in 2010 with a poll.
And again in 2011, on both LJ and DW.
In 2012 and 2013 I ruined Yuletide by not Ruining Yuletide. That is worst of all.
And now it is 2014, the nominations are in, the fandoms are being sorted, people are are having arguments about what should go in Yuletide letters, and whether saying you don’t want cannibalism in Flower Fairies fandom is kinkshaming.
So I have two choices. I could Ruin Yuletide by write a very long post about how to do everything right that is actually accurate and quite reasonable (except that it is 20,000 words long and starts a flamewar on
yuletide_coal that spills over into civil war in Quebec), and then break the spirit of every rule in my own fic.Or I could do a Yuletide Hell game post. I choose the latter.
The rules are simple: write in comments the Yuletide prompt that you would hate to get. Others are then invited to try and write a sentence of it.
Like every other facet of Yuletide, it is of course more complicated. To be true to the spirit of Yuletide Hell, there is no possible degree by which your prompt could be too entitled, self-contradictory, and generally batshit. While optional details are entirely optional I nonetheless expect that all prompters on this page will have many optional details that they will fully expect their writers to cover, and will also be dreadfully, mortally offended if writers do not merely cover the prompt, but fail to intuit what the requester wanted but forgot to write down.
Here are mine to start off with...
(1) Measure for Measure. Angelo/Isabella. Thanks so much for writing this for me, Yuletider! I know that you’ll do something true to the spirit of Shakespeare’s play! Though don’t do iambic pentameter unless you can really measure up to the standard set by Will as I find bad poetry triggering. Angelo and Isabella are my OTP, so it’s such a pity that Isabella’s internalised misogyny and Vienna’s slut-shaming culture make her unable to respond in a sex-positive way to Angelo’s proposal. I’d love some fix-it fic that has Angelo teaching Isabella to respect her identity as a sexual being. Also, it’s so stupid that Juliet and Claudio don’t practice responsible contraception. I know it’s 1603, but NFP was available then and they should have educated themselves more responsibly, so no babyfic. Bloodplay and BDSM are canonical, so don’t leave them out.
(2) 17 Moments of Spring. Stirlitz/Schellenberg. Omegaverse. I just think that the confluence of the last days of the Third Reich and A/B/O could lend a really fascinating dimension to the story. Obviously in order to respect the very serious setting of the canon complete historical accuracy is a must. It is particularly important that you get the uniforms right.**
(3) Lord Peter Wimsey. Bunter. Bunter isn’t actually in the list of characters, because I didn't nominate the fandoms I planned to request because the Spirit of Yuletide means other people should nominate them for me while I nominate for things I want to write experimentally but actually hate, so I selected Any, but that doesn’t matter, he is still the main one you should write about. I have a very, very specific story in mind, and if you don’t write about this then obviously you are going to ruin Yuletide forever and also possibly cause me to go on the rampage and destroy all Christmas trees within a hundred miles. I’d like a post-war story that has Bunter start by wanting to help Peter to overcome his shell-shock, but he gets to like Peter being dependent on him and when he realizes that Peter doesn’t remember what happens during his nightmares, starts to coerce him into acting as his sex slave. But Bunter’s got an enormous sex drive (and that’s not the only enormous thing, lol!) and wants more sex, so he tricks Peter into thinking that hypnotherapy will help him, so that he can force him to have sex whenever he wants. Please respect Bunter’s demisexual identity.
BTW, I know that the Wimsey canon can be intimidating for a first-time writer, but don’t worry. As long as you avoid the most egregrious Americanisms and make sure you say things like “settee” instead of sofa, couch, or Chesterfield, and stick closely to Strunk and White, I’m sure you’ll be fine.
*Some sort of cross between Lancashire and Wales?
**Note in 2015. The recipient was lucky enough to receive an absolutely masterful fic for this prompt, in which Stirlitz’s cover is blown when he screamed in Russian during childbirth.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-07 07:26 pm (UTC)Dear 'My friends and family think my husband is a horrid Tory',
I did a quick google and I see that 'Tory' is what we call a 'Republican'. It's true that political differences can be a problem in relationships, which is why I try to include it in conversation during the first two minutes of meeting a potential date.
However, your problem sounds like it's not so much that your husband is a horrid Tory, but that your family and friends disagree with him. Friends get to have an opinion on this, but they should process away from you. Here are some scripts you can use:
You: Hey, chief [or $friendname]. I might be wrong but I think we've already talked this to death already. This makes me feel bored of your repetitive conversation. One thing we could do is stop talking about this. How does that sound to you?
Them: blah blah blah something you don't need to listen to
You: I take that on board, but we can't talk about this anymore. Is that something you can do?
Them: blah blah but he'll force your child to go to Eton and be a capitalist prig.
You: Since you won't acquiesce to my simple request, I'm afraid I'll have to find a completely new set of friends. No hard feelings! Boundaries!
Deliver african violets to the whole group as necessary.
With your mother, I suggest you just put the phone down on her whenever she mentions it, and walk out the house if you're visiting and she brings it up. She'll either respect your boundaries or... you won't have to deal with her saying these things. I don't want commenters weighing in with diagnoses over the internet, but you might find My Mother Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder a useful book for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-07 08:11 pm (UTC)First Commentator: This letter is waving red flags to me, I think your family are abusive.
Second Commentator: This letter is waving red flags to me, I think your husband is abusive.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-07 09:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-08 09:18 am (UTC)Although Lucy Mangan would kill the African violets before she managed to deliver them.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-08 10:15 am (UTC)CA: Does your mother not realise that your father's spending all the time in his shed constitutes emotional abuse and that her insistence on counting towels in the airing cupboard is a coping mechanism?
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-08 02:35 pm (UTC)*feels sick*