Halloween Wimseyficlet

[nineveh_uk]

There was a one (to five) sentence Halloween horror thread on fail_fandomanon, so I had a go.


***

Bunter stopped on the threshold and saw that his lordship was not alone in his bedroom after all, but kneeling pyjama-clad at the feet of a woman, a woman with the stench of the grave on her, a prisoner's uniform, and a noose around her neck. Beside him one of his collection of incunabula lay open in a circle of what looked like blood.

'Harriet, it worked! Will you marry me?'

His voice was filled with joy.

Comments

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Necromancy is definitely not a safe coping mechanism.

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

Especially since I can't recall a single instance of "So this person was brought back by necromancy and was completely the same and everyone lived happily ever after." Peter does read a lot, doesn't he? The end result would probably be something along the lines of:

Her mind felt as dusty and disused as an abandoned flat; all the furniture covered with sheets and mouldering away unseen. The name the man had spoken sounded familiar, but she had no knowledge of him. No endearment came to her lips, no memory illuminated the mystery.

At last, a stab of recollection; the man who wanted to marry her. She knew now who that face belonged to.

"Phil?"

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's really evil! Fortunately there is someone around to help...


It was not that Bunter had not considered things might get worse; even in the few seconds he had stood in the doorway a rich stream of horrors had run through his mind; but he had not anticipated this. Disorientated lovers were as rare in his lordship's flat as eldritch horrors, but he had worked in other households, and as a young footman had been well trained. He coughed firmly and stepped forward.

'Good evening, Miss Vane. This is a most welcome surprise. May I suggest a brandy? If I may be permitted to say so, you are looking someone chilled.'

'Oh. I'm not - I don't know.'

'I think it would be most restorative, miss.'

A firm hand on her elbow guided her to an armchair in the hall. Beneath the course fabric the flesh felt firm and warm, although whether this was reassuring or otherwise, Bunter could not say. He glanced back at the bedroom, where his lordship, struck dumb, still knelt upon the floor.

(Though I'm sure Peter will keep looking at the bright side. She's just a bit tired, dontchaknow, never seem him outside prison, bound to be disorientated.)

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

Excellent work by Bunter! Let's hope Peter doesn't get any visitors while the restorative is being administered.

"I say, Bunter --" Peter hastened into the hallway, his face unusually pale. "I wonder if Miss Vane mightn't feel more herself if she were to get that dashed thing off her neck and maybe something altogether more becoming in the sartorial line?"

"An excellent thought, my lord, but I'm afraid I have no idea where Miss Vane's effects might be." Her friends had probably taken them, but clearly it was impossible to reclaim them in any way that did not arouse suspicion.

"Oh, no need to do that. But a good frock -- claret-colored -- would suit Miss Vane admirably. I can fetch her more brandy if she needs it while you're out."

Bunter was not convinced that this was the wisest course; his heart chilled at the thought of Miss Vane's possible reactions to Lord Peter's attempts at reminding her of the past. But the request had the air of a command, and Bunter could not deny his own talent for deducing a woman's size from the most cursory examination of her figure.

He seized his hat and coat, determined to be like the light particle which no sooner leaves that it returns, opened the door -- and for the second time that evening, froze in shock.

"Your Grace!"

The Duchess stood frowning before the door, one hand poised to ring the bell.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I feel we are moving from tragedy to farce! Next question - which Duchess??? Actually, Helen might be easiest - no doubt one of the reasons she dislikes Bunter is that he has no qualms about declaring Peter not at home to her. Whereas for him not to admit the Dowager would be a bigger deal. No doubt she could be very useful in dealing with the situation, but this is perhaps not the moment.

I was going to say that she could just put on one of Peter's dressing gowns, but that might not be a tactful suggestion. A frock is clearly necessary.

Hmm.

Bunter stepped swiftly through the front door, pulling it to behind him.

'Good morning, Bunter. Isn't Peter in? I’m sure that he asked me to call this morning, but perhaps he forgot.’

‘I regret to say that his lordship did not mention it. He most specifically said that he was not at home to visitors.’

At this bland comment, Bunter’s eyebrows nonetheless contrived to suggest that his lordship was perhaps at home to another type of visitor. The Dowager Duchess sighed.

‘How tiresome of the boy. Well, I’d better not interrupt. You can tell Peter that I shall expect to hear from him this afternoon.’

‘Very good, your Grace. Wilkins! Your grace must excuse me, an urgent errand for his lordship – one of his cases. Wilkins will secure your taxi. His lordship will certainly telephone this afternoon. Good day.’

He hurried in the direction of the Burlington Arcade.

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

I fear the farce may be ended, now that Peter and the more-alert Harriet are alone in the flat together. I think Bunter will come back to a really nasty scene and will be kicking himself for not letting the Dowager in after all since she could have at least tried to prevent it. I don't want to write it because it's too depressing but let's just say Peter tries to take the rope off Harriet's neck and from there on it gets ugly.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

That had also struck me as potentially a very bad moment. I fear that the best outcome would be that it instantly disappeared Harriet back to death again.

Though it is all reminding me of a Strong Poison AU I thought of it in which Peter fails to clear Harriet second time, the jury is hung again, prosecution goes to a third trial (at which point he clears her), and feeling utterly wretched Harriet gives in and marries Peter.

[sonetka.livejournal.com]

That AU sounds strangely and depressingly fascinating. If you ever feel like writing it, what better month for depressing reading than November? (Three trials ... yes, she'd be pretty beaten down by the end of that. And after spending the last few years being badgered by Phil and now being badgered by Peter, she might well decide there's no more use in fighting it).

[executrix.livejournal.com]

History repeats itself, this time as farce: of course to obtain a boon of this magnitude, Peter must sacrifice something very dear to him.

Bunter wakes up in the employ of a vulgar American millionairess who has never heard the term "workplace sexual harassment" but it more than familiar with the concept.