Fic! An Archetypal Schloss

[nineveh_uk]

On AO3, An Archetypal Schloss. Patrick Leigh Fermor/Tanz der Vampire crossover.

Caught in the wilds in treacherous weather, Patrick Leigh Fermor seeks shelter in a Transylvanian castle. It's not the first schloss that Patrick has visited in the course of his journey on foot through central Europe, but is he prepared for the perilous hospitality of the Graf von Krolock and his son?

This fic is the fault of white_hart, whose comment "But why does no-one appear to have written a crossover between Patrick Leigh Fermor's Between the Woods and the Water and Rocky Horror?" gave me the idea of this fic before I had read any more of Leigh Fermor than the extracts of Mani in my Greek guide book. Then she lent me the books. I have since purchased my own, as they are terrific in their own right and not simply as begetters of crackfic.

There is still no crossover between Between the Woods and the Water and Rocky Horror, but I hope that this is close enough to serve.

A note on the canons:

Patrick Leigh Fermor's books A Time of Gifts and Between the Woods and the Water* (together with a third posthumously-published volume I haven't read yet) are the account of one of history's great gap years, as 18 year old Patrick sets out to walk from the Hook of Holland to Constantinople. En route he stays in a wide range of barns, inns, a Salvation Army hostel, with a host of friendly people from bargemen to students to woodcutters, and in the schlosses of a string of aristocratic relics of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, where he is mentored by his older hosts and entertained by their offspring. The books, written over 50 years after the journey, are a fascinating look back at a world that was about to vanish entirely, a fact of which the older author is painfully aware, and the youth oblivious. In 1933, young Patrick's adventures had the charm of novelty, but he was also evidently tremendously personally engaging, and it can't have hurt that he was rather good-looking.

Tanz der Vampire is a German-language musical that follows the adventures of Alfred, the young assistant to a vampire-hunting professor, as they go horribly wrong. Attempting to save an innkeeper's daughter from the clutches of the vampire Count von Krolock, Alfred finds himself a guest at the Count's castle where he experiences some very bad dreams, gets hit on by the Count's son, and fails to save the girl. The girl didn't want to be saved, anyway.

*Not Death Twixt the Woods and the Water, that's the Harriet Vane crossover.

Comments

[caulkhead]

Thank you. That has thoroughly redeemed a rather grumpy Sunday evening. Also, I blame you entirely for this:

"Good Lord. Has somebody been letting Arthur make garlic bread again?"

"Certainly not, Carolyn. Not after last time. And before you ask, no, I don't think it's the wiring on the cockpit light playing up either. That smells of aniseed balls. Which is curious, when you consider that we replaced all the wiring throughout the entire plane, but that's GERTI for you. No, I think what you're smelling here is the result of Martin's little trip to meet the potential in-laws."

"They took him to an Italian restaurant? That was nice of them, but…"

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just think for a moment, Carolyn. Where was it, exactly, that we flew the happy couple *to*?"

"Ah."

"Ah, indeed. And then they took that taxi onward to the Castle. To visit her uncle, the Count."

"You're not telling me that Martin - *Martin* - is afraid of vampires?"

"All I'm telling you is that either he has taken up garlic smuggling on a scale that has even me gasping in awe, or there's something on his mind. And it's probably not the recipe for aioli."

[nineveh_uk]

Oh dear, that is distressingly plausible! Poor Martin, he really would be afraid of hypothetical vampires*. Arthur, OTOH, would probably handle real vampires with aplomb: "I know that people say they're evil, but there's good in everyone really, and I expect they're brilliant when you get to know them."

*While also being really envious in advance that they might be able to fly.

[commodorified]

*draws sparkly crosses and garlic cloves around this*

And in the same spirit

[legionseagle]

"The dead travel fast."

"On GERTI? You may wish to fire up your Ouija board and ask for a second opinion from the late Mr Leeman of Boston on that particular proposition."

"Martin, a word in your shell-like. When I was doing the walk-round I think I may - just possibly - have accidentally jiggled the hold thermostat. And, as you know, it’s never been an instrument with what you might call a settled and stable disposition. We may have started the journey with our hold at a distinctly Carpathian 2 degrees above zero, but I rather fancy — judging from these readouts — that hold humidity’s been wandering into the depths of the Amazonian rainforest and hold temperatures into the pitiless noon of the Yemeni desert since we started. Which, while it might not hurt any actual Transylvania earth that those coffins might contain, I suspect might make things distinctly lively for anything else there could be in them."

"Oh. Oh God. Oh Christ. Oh Douglas."

"Wrong priority, but right invocation, at least. I rather think this calls for an emergency diversion. Can you smell smoke? No, on second thoughts, given you’ve got garlic cloves stuffed up your nostrils and — tell me again why you’re wearing a false beard?"

"I dipped it in Holy Water. I thought it might protect my neck if — if —"

"Ah. Well, Captain Crieff, your first officer can smell smoke in the flight deck. I suggest you request an emergency diversion. And — according to my all-encompassing knowledge of the cranks and crannies of European airspace — the nearest airport on this route is Roma Sacrale."

"You’re proposing to land a plane which may be full of vampires at The Vatican City airport?"

"Well, didn’t you enjoy Alien vs Predator?"

Re: And in the same spirit

[nineveh_uk]

Brilliant! Accidentally roasting Therese's vampire relatively does feel very much like a GERTI thing, and I love Martin's false beard.

(I always wonder why vampire-hunters don't get their neck tattooed with a cross. OK, there would still be other veins, but it's a lot easier to get away from a vampire while he's screaming because his tongue is on fire.)

Re: And in the same spirit

[commodorified]

Oh My God I Love You.

I feel I don't say this enough, I really don't.

[coalboy.livejournal.com]

I am -now- reading Between the Woods and the Water and read A Time of Gifts, possibly prompted by your recommendation. Unfortunately I don't record who recommended when I add a book to my TBR list, now over 10K titles.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

That is an impressively long list.

[coalboy.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'm 67, read about 300 a year for the last 12, and probably won't live long enough. Especially since I keep *adding* to it.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

The ever-increasing list/TBR pile and ever-diminishing time is one of those insoluble problems, I fear. But whether it was my rec or not, BtWatW is definitely a good one to pick up. It is a delightful book, and I am so glad to have had it recommended to me.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Oddly, PLF's A Time of Gifts has just cropped up in the review I am reading (Patrick Curry on Tolkien: The Forest and the City).

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

That's interesting. The connection doesn't seem a particularly obvious one to me, but then I haven't read the review or the book.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

I love those books so much, except they always make me want to go to eastern Europe and wander for months on end, which I don't actually have time to do. (Here is a view of Esztergom from PLF's bridge, though! I did manage to get there last summer.)

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I have never been to eastern Europe and am now feeling it as a tremendous gap. Thank you for the photo - I was just thinking the other day that I must search for the view from the Esztergom bridge, so that's perfect timing!