Cultural adjustment

[nineveh_uk]

I was inspired - if that's the word for it - by yet another thread in FAP Britpicking about underwear in the UK to ponder what the Hogwarts girls are really wearing. Popular as the theme may be in fanfic, I doubt very much that if Ginny took Hermione underwear shopping it would involve lacy bustiers. So here follows very short fic.


John Granger, drawn by the near-hysterical sounds of whooping from the hall, found his wife holding a piece of paper in one hand and holding desperately onto the chair with the other. On a second glance, it wasn’t paper, but parchment. After a moment, Pat found a handkerchief, wiped her streaming eyes, and offered him the page, adding in a shaky voice,

“It’s Hermione’s uniform list for Hogwarts.” John took it, and stared. Not at Robes, black, three pairs, nor Pointed hat, black, nor even Travelling cloak, black with school crest (obtainable Madam Malkins and Twylfitt and Twingings). He stared at the list of underwear. No longer, as he imagined himself in wool vest, white and long johns or stockings and garters at the age of thirteen, did John Granger feel the slightest twinge of envy at his daughter's abilities. He read on down the list.

Underwear (witches)

Years 1 and 2

Robe shields (charmed to stick), 10 pairs
Liberty bodice, white (7)
Woollen stockings, black (15 pairs )
Under-robe, black (optional)

Years 3 - 7

Robe shields (charmed to stick), 10 pairs
Liberty bodice, white OR bra, camisole and garters/shoulder suspenders, white (7 sets)
Woollen stockings, black (15 pairs)
Under-robe, black (optional)

"Oh dear. And none of it available from Marks and Spencers."

Pat Granger smiled.

"Hermione seemed to think it would be quite fun. I don't think she's realized yet that there's no mention of knickers."

*

Twenty-five years earlier

In one of the Slytherin boys' bathrooms at six o'clock in the morning, Severus Snape was scrubbing a pair of underpants in the sink. Ashamed as he was to admit it, his Muggle father's influence was strong, so that after nearly five years at Hogwarts he still surreptitiously washed a pair of white cotton pants every morning. He brought a new pair with him every term, and scrubbed every morning they just about lasted, greying and threadbare, to the next holidays. Keeping a spare pair in the dormitory was unthinkable - Hogwarts students had a decided tendency to be free with one another's possessions, and the thought of his classmates discovering his secret was too much to be borne. If they ever guessed that he wore underpants, Snape knew, it would be the end of his acceptance as a real wizard. He could imagine nothing worse.

***

ETA: Given the amusement, I shall confess that this is not in fact my sole magical underwear fic (perhaps I ought to be ashamed of that). The first can be found here in Fiction Alley Park.

Any more takers for the first lines meme before the answers are revealed?

Comments

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Oh, brilliant! I bet no-one's ever thought of that as the reason for poor Snape's greying pants!

Great stuff!

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I can just see his hands, knuckles cracked from wringing out in cold water (because hot makes the pipes bang and might wake inquisitive housemates).

Thanks!

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

I agree. Poor Snape - for the first time since That Moment in HBP when he showed himself more than capable of sticking up for himself, I feel quite tender towards the man...

[snorkackcatcher]

Agreed. But it's a wonderful idea. (I knew there had to be a reason they built Hogwarts in Scotland. :D)

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

... and send it to omniocular! - if it wasn't written for this month's Non-Fiction Challenge, it would still fit the specifics marvellously.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Submitted.

[gramarye1971]

*cackles* Poor Hermione. And poor, poor Snape.

[tree_and_leaf]

Aaargh!

Yes, one has to feel sorry for Snape - and the rest of the muggleborn or halfblood population.

(And now we know why the wizard at the World Cup was upset about not having 'a healthy wind round his privates')

I was a bit worried by the question of periods, but then I remembered those horrid towels that loop on to belts...

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I have been convinced since GoF that the magical world goes knickerless. We simply have to hope that they have come up with something better than towels and belts.

[dolabellae.livejournal.com]

Oh dear... very funny, thank you! And of course Snape, like Tonks, can't be too good at the 'household spells' that would make life so much easier, otherwise he'd sort out his hair... (although actually I'm firmly in the 'he wants to look like that camp...)

Clues for the books, before the answers, perhaps?

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

My theory re. the household spells is that such as Scourgify clean the clothes, but don’t actually launder them, so clothes still have to be laundered traditionally (albeit with magic irons etc.) to be rendered wearable as well as clean. Cleaning spells are also rather hard on the fabric if used too often.

There will have to be book clues.

[baruchan.livejournal.com]

OH MY. *snerk*

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Poor Snape -- and the rest of the Muggleborn and Halfblood population.

Maybe they'll undergo a cultural revolution in the future, and wizards and witches wearing underwear would be the norm. Or maybe not. XD

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Thanks! As for a cultural revolution, there is a Diagon Alley branch of Marks and Spencers, but it only sells the basics and is not allowed to display the products in the windows.

[aerama.livejournal.com]

Now that's clever. The effect on the parents was brilliant!
Plus the tie-in with Snape - this was such fun, mentioning unmentionables.

[tunxeh.livejournal.com]

Funny. But what's a robe shield?

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

I assumed she meant the 'coat of arm', the house crest.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

They should be so lucky! Robe shields are the wizarding world equivalent of dress shields, bits of cotton tacked into the underarms of garments to reduce the necessary frequency of washing (the garments, not the wearer!). The crop up in accounts of mid-C20 convent education, and tend to be reported in much-loathed tones.

[tunxeh.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the explanation — something like that was my guess, but I wasn't familiar with the phrase.

[themolesmother.livejournal.com]

Oooh this is priceless! My reaction would be just like Mrs Granger's. I come from a generation that celebrated the invention of tights. The idea of going back into stockings - bloody hell! And those horrible, horrible towels with belts. Ugh!

I like the link into Snape, too.

You've also given me an idea. I was looking for a small act of rebellion to start the heroine of my current fanfic Come the Revolution off on her revolutionary career. Deliberately wearing Muggle underwear at reactionary Hogwarts seems just the thing - do you mind if I use some of the details in this fic? Full credit would be given, of course.

MM

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I suspect that adult witches have been wearing magical Stay-Up stockings for years, but there’s an aura of sophistication about them that makes the governors consider them as unsuitable for children.

I should be honoured to provide a small act of rebellion for Tracy.

[spitefire.livejournal.com]

HA. Small nitpick, however. I think you meant cloak instead of "cloack," yes?

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

I did indeed! Amended.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Hee. Poor Snape!

[penknife.livejournal.com]

Hee! Poor Muggle-born students (and poor Severus). Quite a culture shock.

[herminia.livejournal.com]

This was great! Very funny and "brief." (groan) As for whether you should be ashamed of having more than one magical underwear-related fic or not... I'll try not to pass judgment on that!

[tudorpot.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed this clever answer to the grey underpants question. I love the idea of no nickers. I expect that witches have better approaches to menstrual issues, perhaps sea sponges. Long ago memories of belts and pads make me cringe. The whole issue of wizarding clothes is facinating. My reading of the robes question is that no trousers or skirts/shirts/jumpers are worn underneath.

[nineveh-uk.livejournal.com]

Whatever its faults, the wizarding world seems to have a pretty practical approach to bodies – no doubt they have a simple and effective solution, and an excellent pain-killing potion.

Yes. I understand why the film might have taken a different route, but in canon it seems pretty plain that formal robes are the main garments, and that though something may be worn underneath for warmth, and/or hygiene, it ain’t jeans, a blouse, or a pretty skirt.